Equinox

I'm feeling angry lately. More than a normal woman of my age. I guess its normal...maybe ignoring it isnt the best solution though. All my friends are fighting and there's nothing I can do about it...I try, but it's like they ask me for help and then don't care about what i have to say. I try to help and no one believes me. If only they'd DO what i say, they'd see...but, i can't make them...
Anger is a better feeling than depression, i also discovered. I stand here in my mind, feeling the waves of the giant beach of My Place cover my toes, and i kick the beautiful water in the air, letting my anger create. I jump and scream and curse, then giggle at how silly it sounds. When im depressed, i feel nothing. When I'm angry, i feel my emotions improve, sharpen and become stronger. I feel stronger as a person. I overcome. I am better.
I've been in My Place more lately. Ideas have been swimming around my head like little fish that are hard to grab. I take my pen, and my paper and my ideas all crash together in a clash that confuses me.
In My Place again. Swimming again...I jump and now I feel joy. I stare at the sunset and sit by the water. Why must i leave here? I'm happy here, in this place that I've made. In this place where I'm safe, unharmed, and happy? What's wrong with this?
I close my eyes and hear the beautiful splash of the waves on the shore. Open them to see my love staring at me. He reaches out to me and I take his hand, going into the water with him. He's here too...which is so wonderful.
I guess I'm feeling happier than I thought. I wish I could be in true love. I wish i could run around town hand in hand with some great guy. I wish i could be in a hospital room helping a bunch of cute little kids get better. I wish i didnt have to deal with the asinine repetetivness of early education that seems so endless its nauseating.
Well...people in Hell wish for ice water, so i suppose i should stop bitching ^_^