another day in the life

We talked about death in my lit class today. Well...verb "talk" used as loosely and sardonically as possible. I'm most likely the only intellectual in that class. I listen to thier rebutles when the teacher allows our input, and I'm astonished...nay...ashamed...to be among these people. One particular questoin and answer shocked me the most:

Teacher-So how do you think you all will die? Like, in your opinion, how do you picture your death?
Student 1- I'm not gonna die.
Student 2- Why are you asking this?
Student 3- I'm hungry.

...More like the responses of elementary clowns then the people who I'm competeing with in my class. I sit and write my novels quietly in most classes. But during lit, I HAD to sit and listen. It was kind of like studying monkeys. Some of them were burping and making ugly sounds, some of them would answer with the same question the teacher asked them, and the others would stare into space (the stoners...yeah...)
I HAVE to add here, that not all my peers are incompetent. I know I'm protraying them as such, but this is simply untrue. But a good handful...(a disturbing handful)...are most definitly more incompetent then they are anything else.
I'm going to examine the positive side of this, and point out how intellegent I feel around these people. I know I'm a little smarter than the average person, but sometimes I doubt my abilities...But not in Lit. No way. No sir.
Got some "poem" type things coming up. Wrote them in my off period. I'll post them within 12 hours ^_^ bye

i remain silent

the need's gotten worse lately. Something i can't help. I'm trying to be good. But it's a monster, and im just a woman trying to defeat it. I don't believe i can. My friends tell me its a dream. My parents tell me it's a phase. But when i think about it, i want it more and more.
to taste and touch to feel it and expeirience it first hand. It feels like so much more than a phase to me...maybe that's why no one can help.
I'm a good girl, thats what i keep telling myself, what kind of person would i be if i couldn't wait? Just another girl. Just another slut...
I find there's a lost art in waiting. No one wants to wait because sex is part of life right? Well...hate to disapoint you....
Sex is definitly important. But...the whole action of it isn't like kissing or hugging or making out. And people treat it that way. They treat it like it was no big deal. Just one night rolling under sheets in a naked sweat.
I guess it takes a virgin to understand just how important waiting is.
It shows dicipline. It shows you have patience. It shows that you don't HAVE to give into animal instincts just because they tempt you. Temptation is the one thing no one can resist unless you develop an immunity to it. Like i have. I spent painful years saying no, and now it's just a easy "no thanks, punk. I want to be able to tell my husband i really am all his."
oh well. No one has to agree with me. That's obvious. Because the people that glorify druglords and pimps think sex is just another part of a teenagers like. I look in thier eyes when they speak of stuff like that, and wonder where they went wrong. I remain silent though, as is my nature.
To sit and listen. To observe from afar. To watch the downfall. Why don't I try to help??
I'm scared... Inside my touch exterior, I'm just a little girl that wants someone to protect me. I want a man to love me and to protect me. Is that asking for too much? I sure don't think so....
anyway, im really not depressed today. just wanted to vent a little. thanks for listening :)

smiling is a sign of weakness :)

wow...my job

hehe i knew itd be bad but...*dry heave*

eh its not that bad. its like your getting paid to be bored...and do trash...

*sigh*maybe i'll be promoted soon. there are way too many courtesy clerks anyway, so maybe they'll make me a cashier soon.
me and my friends usually find that time passes quicker when we're together. we walk around and look like we're doing something important around the managers, then when we're alone, we whip our phones out and share small talk.
its easy enough. the longest shift i've worked so far is 5 hours. not bad at all.
and i get to spend a lot of time in the bakery part of the store. it always smells like cake:)

anyway, spring break is half over. waaaah you never realize just how much school sucks until your free of it. (^_^) i know that sounds immature, but im tired right now, so im not gonna pretty this post up with my usual "writers vocab". School sucks. there. i said it. whatcha gonna do about it??
just kidding. but i am tired. gonna go drink a monster.
peace

feelin' fine.

finally got a job. albertsons. i have to work from 7 to 10 p.m. then 5 to 10. p.m.
wow...that kinda sucks. it better be worth 5.50 an hour. i dont really mind helping people...but for five hours?? seems kind of strange.
been watching masters of horror lately. OMG its the best.
all the best horror writers getting together to write a series. its so gruesome that i love it. all my friends think im a freak. well...i think they are freaks for wanting to go see a movie like Mean Girls or Elizabeth Town. Uhh...*snore* gag me with a spoon
gimme guts and torture! yes!!! (just kidding on the torture one.) :)
its more in your face and shows you the horrible things that could be happening to you. it makes you feel that your problems really dont mean shit, cuz you could be tied to a chair getting your fingers cut off with a chainsaw. (courtesy of Hostel)
My psychology teacher seems to have a crush on me. he complements me quietly and when i doubt it he seems very persistant. never been in a situation like this. i'm gonna ride it out and see what happens. I mean, it's not like its improbable. You'd like to think that it would be, but...i'm not ugly and he's quite young for a teacher. I'm hoping this doesn't go anywhere...but...it is intriuging. and flattering :)
anyway, commies please. (and i dont mean communists ^_^)