gentle impulsion

""I hear noise...comforting noise...noise i've heard ever since i felt my coinsciousness...ever since i first felt the warmth of this place. I can easily see whats in front of me, but i wish i knew what all the noise was about. I kick, I'm a little uncomfortable.
I move about to get better situated. I hear The Voice sweet in my ears in a coaxing as i look up to see a dark object rub over my warm illuminated dome of warmth and peace. It must be Her hand rubbing to see if I'm alright. I rub back to tell Her I'm fine.
My mind races all the time since I have so much of it. I wonder all the time why I have to be in here...i wonder what i look like...what it's like outside my dome...what She looks like. With such a voice, She must be beautiful. And He speaks to me too, through my dome i hear His coaxing voice babying me. Why does everyone make such a big deal of me? I turn a little, moving my life cord so i can rest my head easier on my chest. Maybe a little sleep will rest my mind... I hear The Heartbeat race a little as Her Voice rises in falls in laughter, something i wish i could do. When i opened my mouth, nothing but misty bubbles came out. I wished i could sing like She could.
'Weeks have gone by now...When am i going to get to see Them? God, i'm so restless in here...wonder when.... My life cord sure is bugging me...' I can hear my thoughts in my head much like Her Voice, but it doesn't ring like hers does...i suppose it's because mine isn't a voice with a pitch...but more like an idea. I knew the first thing i would do when i got out was yell as loud as i could to hear my pitch. 'Wow...pretty light show' i thought as i looked around my dome. He and She must be in some pretty place. Maybe a dome with lights unlike mine, which is quite dark...
'Months now...I'm starting to think I'll never get out'. I kick the wall just for attention now. It seems to aggravate Her. She sits all the time now, and is constantly yelling. Maybe...She's sick? What does that mean for me?
'Wait, what's this? I'm moving! I'm coming out! She's letting me out!' I open my mouth to yell as the blinding light almost permanently shuts my eyes and i see the world... ""
- "Gentle Impulsion" by me

PaRaDiSe

"Suffocating, fading, falling, dissapearing in a spiralling black abyss with a gentle touch that seems to almost laugh at his pain. He reaches, but only feels a fiery burn sensation that forces him to let his arm fall limp to his side. He knows he's dead...he knows that he is laying on that bed with glazed eyes and pale skin with a non-beating heart. He fights still. Why? There must be something...somewhere... The cold becomes unbearable as he begins to tumble in his own mind, falling miles and miles into himself. He calls out and screams but all have turned away. Even those he loved...'NO!' He can no longer see as his arms and legs lift away, ' i won't!'
Then
he felt her.
Her silk skin...her gentle voice...her angelic benevolence....her warm face in his hand as she sat in his lap...Closer now, he could smell her perfume. He could feel her nip his ear playfully....he reaches....nothing still; calls her name she answers, 'yes my love?'
'where are you?' he yells, the coldness of his deathbed beginning to thaw. 'where?' Fading now...where was she?? he panicked, reaching in the air, 'wait! wait!' she was gone...he couldn't even think about her. 'wait!' his anguished yell was heard in both heaven and hell as he felt his spirit depart. 'wait...' and he suddenly felt warm.
He opened his eyes, still on the bed. She was staring at him, holding his hand. 'Are you alright?' He stared at her and let his soul return and he reached up to touch her face, 'You didnt...leave me.' She grinned, and leaned down, kissing his hand. 'No, i never would.' "
-From "Xira" by me

Why are you only wearing one sock?

I spoke to my father earlier on a subject that was quite puzzling to me. And since he knows just about everything there is to know about anything (somehow) he knew the answer and told me. If you were to get your achilles tendon cut, you will no longer be able to walk.
In a certain scene in a certain movie (when you hear the subject matter take a guess at what movie...then, if you think you're wrong, go lower in what you think is the lowest common demominator for society...then you'll find your self at Hostel directed by Eli Roth and Quenin Tarantino) the blonde secondary character, Josh, is sitting and being torturted and finally pleads with the bad guy to let him go. The bad guy says, "you want to go?" leans down and cuts something off of the poor boy that you cant see, then opens the door and says, "you're free to go" and walks out, whistling.
Now, take a pause. Right here, the boy should think carefully about what he's about to do...that German guy just spent a good ten minutes putting the boy through the worst pain of his life and enjoyed it. Now he's just going to let him go? Uh..........no, Josh. But of course, Josh doesn't consider this, gets up and the camera shows the audience the terrible image of the boy's achilles tendon tearing and you watch him fall to the ground, yelling in pain.
Now, right here, he should have realized that Mister Mean German Guy wasn't done with him, and that he MEANT to make the boy fall and be in intense pain. But i suppose Josh thought it was an accident, for he continued to attempt to leave the chamber, by crawling. The German guy eventually put him out of his misery. the end for josh.
Now, earlier in the film, the man that tortured Josh was a good friend to him, saved him from the horribly frightening children in the street and even HIT on him...what confuses me is...why did he kill him?? doesn't fit together.
Oh yeah, by the way, im addicted to this movie. I find myself watching it all the time. I just need some advice. HOW DO I STOP?? Seriously...i dont even find it interesting anymore...i used to kind of wonder why and things of that nature, but now, its like...part of my mind is dull with boredom with it and the other half is addicted to it. Anyway, if you havent seen it, dont give me advice. If you have, you prolly know what im talking about...

Scarlet letter

I usually dont mind being forced into reading some novel in school that a bunch of liberal editors so carefully labeled, "good education material", regardless of the tasteless bile it vomited into my mind, for i could usually "read but not read". (meaning, i read the words and answer the questions, but didn't let it's immoral teachings consume me). But this novel, the one labeled The Scarlet Letter in beautiful cursive letters on the front, is probably the worst of the worst. Trying to teach us young women that adultery is something to be proud of.
There is no case to cheat. Never, absolutly no excuse. Marriage is a sacred bond that only the worst, most heartless cowards would dare to intentionally break. I realize that they're are cases when marriage is no longer appropriate (for example abuse or neglegence to an alarming degree) but how about get some nerve and get a divorce, not turn into a whore and sleep with someone else?? It ruins your child's life more to sleep with someone else during marriage then to get a divorce. Your child can't respect you if you are an adulterer. And if you're own child can respect you, how can any other soul?
It's a bunch of garbage that is not only way too lengthy (even for someone like myself who likes a good challenge in a book) and its just plain bad, to be honest [which im good at:) ]
I'm so glad i'm almost done...in the famous words of a man i admire very much (about this book) "You could give a parrot a typewriter and it would write a better book". Amen to that.

Loss

You never know how good something is until its gone...you never can truely appreciate life until the day you realize it could be taken from you in an instant. You never truely feel that emotion of gratitude just for your breath until you get punched in the stomach and lose it all...when you lose someone dear to you, you feel so many things that its difficult to even think straight. The most powerful thought going through your mind is normally, "why?" why did this happen? why didn't it happen to me instead of a precious little 14-year old boy who didn't deserve it.
when i found out (name left out for respect) died, i was shocked beyond all belief. I was friends with his big brother and the first thing i wanted to do was hold him and hug him and be with him. i couldn't believe such a horrible thing had happened. (brother's name left out for respect) is so strong and i'm going to be with him every step of the way if he needs it.
death is never easy to grasp. the fact that you'll never see that person again just hits you like a thousand knives and kills your soul and dents your faith. but, as hard as it is to grasp, death is a part of life, just like birth. the hardest, but best thing to do is try your very hardest to move on. Of course you need time to mourn, nothing wrong with that at all, but it makes everyone feel better when you're not all sitting around and crying and blaming yourself.
you're not to blame. the person who passed away wouldn't want thier family to spend the rest of thier lives in agony, thinking it was thier fault, when it wasn't. Death isnt easy, and no time will ever truly heal it, but strong faith and a powerful soul will always help.
(dedicated to C.C.)

A lost love...

"Her bare feet grazed the cold tile of the balcony as she wandered out to see the view. Her ice cold blue eyes stared at the sky bathed in splatters of orange and red to form a breath taking sunset. She gripped the railing and tried to take it all in...the beauty of this place...The long inky strands of her nightmare-black hair began to blow in the cool evening breeze. Her lacy nightgown blew up, but she didnt bother to fix it...here she was home...here she didnt have cares or worries...she only had herself and him... the perfect man...
Slater, in all his perfect manly majesty stared at her from inside the room, seeing his ice queen with her porcelain white skin and beautiful black hair. She looked back at him, "join me...,"Her voice so compelling, he couldn't say no. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, and she felt his warmth consume her and she smiled, "did you ever imagine our lives to be this perfect?"
"ever since i first laid eyes on you I knew my life was perfect. This view...this apartment...they're just perks to me considering the kind of gift you are..." She grinned at his kindness and leaned back, sighing. Nothing in her life had come easy and now this...this perfect bliss just took her my storm filling her with a giddy happiness that she wasn't even able to comprehend let alone express. She turned and kissed him as the sun disapeared behind the snowy mountians and the orange and red rays in the sky thickened and began to transform into cooler, quieter colors. Her eyes softened as she began to feel that she was flying and fell back in Slater's arms, in a light sleep. He carried her into his bedroom and laid her on the soft silk sheets and pulled her hair out of her face. She was perfect to him. Every thing about her made him feel unworthy. Her personality was one that any woman would beg to have...her body satisfied his every pleasure. He leaned down and daintily kissed her lips, hearing her moan. He walked out, shutting the door...
seeing her so beautiful and radiant...made his betrayal all the more difficult..."
-from "Xira" by me.

a taste of my writing ability...

it had been too long, too long now that he had wasted his life with her. Too long now that he had known of her cheating on him. Too long now that he had kept silent as he climbed into bed with her, as she kissed him goodnight he felt nausea...too long now that he had tried to hold on to what happiness he wished they really had but didn't...he wanted at least to fake it, but it wasn't meant to be.
One morning, he awoke to being alone in bed. He rose and got dressed slowly. Why had life been so cruel to him? What had he done to deserve such treatment?...He felt alone and betrayed, but held it in and found his wife in the kitchen. She created beautiful image in the kitchen. She turned and gave him a radiant smile, showing him the pan of pancakes she had made him. He sat, without a word, and ate, watching her hum and sing as she cooked breakfast for thier son. Why? He thought. WHy is she stringing me along? WHat does she hope to gain from going on like this? WHat possible sick pleasure can this bring her? Does she want to crush me all at once, or wait for me to bring it up? He thanked her and ate in peace, as their little boy came in and sat in the chair. He stared at his son, became ill and ran into the bathroom.
A sick vortex of spiralling, anxious, confusing depression is what she had brought him to. He stared at the dark circles under his eyes in the mirror. They hadn't been there a week ago. He opened the medicine cabinet, taking pills. Pills to end the pain. Pain to stop the depression. Pills to try to enhance the apathy, which was the only thing keeping him sane. Was this marriage even worth fighting for anymore? Was the thought of a blissful life with who he thought was his soul mate completely gone? He swallowed the last pill, seeing her behind him. "Are you alright?" She asked. He scoffed, turning and kissing her with as little emotion as possible and left the room, grabbing his briefcase and walked out the door, "I think we both know the answer to that one..." He muttered, getting in his car.
- From "The Rapture" By me ^_^

the transparent friend

i used to know a girl who was my best friend. we'd call each other everyday and talk and do all kinds of stuff together. i really, honestly, saw great things out of her because she was smart and pretty and all over great. But then, all of the sudden, over a summer, things changed...
i started noticing a change in her attitude. she questioned innocent little things like weddings in a church or letting a priest do a funeral and called them stupid or gay. She started hanging out with stoners and sluts and people who smoke and drink and shit. She started getting drunk and smoking and all that. And all throughout this, she promised me she was "under control" and that she was "taking care of herself". I knew she wasn't. but i nodded and worried in my mind that something awful was going to happen. Which, it did. One day she called me and told me that she had "done it" with her current boyfriend. I was shocked, but only because she told me so easily! me and my friend's abstinance was our little thing we had together, and she had thrown it away in one night and hated the sex anyway. I felt like a useless friend to her, like i was just a plan B friend who she really didnt want to hang out with because i dont drink and smoke and have sex and throw up all over myself. yeah, to be honest, not a real glorious lifestyle. im aiming to enjoy my life, thanks.
i started hating everything she said from that point on. being her friend became so difficult, but i still tried. i have a mother complex and after getting into this girl's head, i couldnt abandon her. (like she did me) I had to keep trying to get in and help.
she's only gotten worse. She brags about her shitty lifestyle and talks about her vomitting and getting drunk as though they were accomplishments. This girl has no idea what road she has taken, but one think i know, is i miss the nice, sweet nerd version of her. The one that i could easily be friends with and even, at times, look up to. now, she's nothing like that. i wish i could help, but she won't listen...i'll never give up though...im not like that.