one word that describes me?...Hungry

I took a survey today.
to find out what kind of person i am.
to find out if im intraverted (yes) or extraverted (no)
to find out if i take the initiative(yes) or if i wait for things to come to me (no)
stuff along the lines of that.
i can't think of one single word that describes me.
there are a few that automatically pop in...deep...kind...caring...(perhaps) intelligent,
but no single
word.
i'm not a normal woman.
i have things in me...thoughts and ideas and worries and anxieties and fears and cares and love that no one would ever understand even if i dumbed it down to a fourth grade reading level.
(i tried writing a fourth grade reading level book once. i got a B on it because it was too hard.)
i never really ever wanted to think of the intermacinations of my mind as complicated. I'm a simple girl voluntarily. Logical. I go by what I know. Street smart, as a good friend has told me.
but at the same time, I make excellent grades.
I dont give in to stupid temptations.
I hate uptight overachievers who fuckin complain about getting an A-
I have the same sense of humor as my mother and a stoner at the same time.
I can laugh at one man and fall madly in love with his brother.
I have a mother complex that forces me to flinch and beg to hold every child i hear crying in a public place. I want to care. I want to help.
But i cant
I'm only a beginner at life.
A noob.
But...someone once told me I have more wisdom in my brain then the oldest and most respected of men and women. That stuck with me.
I have dignity.
I have respect.
My life is something to cherish. The story of my life means a lot to me. I don't have any true reason to break those moral vows i made with myself to keep my life good. On the moral side. No one person can make me want to do anything like that.
Guess I'm past the breaking point. Guess I'm older than I thought. Or at least wiser.

drowning

im diving
ripping off the opressing chains stress has fastened to my sanity
closing my senses to the pain and fear
forgetting my worries and anxieties
setting my body and readying myself for the sting of the cold

a large spike of dark cold shocked my mind and shook me
I'm still now, letting my body freeze in its diving position, my eyes
closed as well as my mind and heart

My soul, however, is wide open. Burning, flaring, raging its
powerful spiritual flame within me
the freedom of the solitude of this place strengths it.
I kick off the bottem, come up and emerge my face, staring
up at the ashen sky with snow falling neatly on my face

The snow kisses me
the cold is excruciatingly painful
I can move, only breathe as I begin to sink, find my legs unmoving
The air is gone and i find that breath is no longer satisfying, but
smothering as i intake gallons of the frozen pond

I reach the bottem, my heart is slowing dowm. My soul is burning
but my body curls up like a dead leaf
I feel a lift, a short drop

I can see myself laying there
the used one
the sad one
the dead one. the girl isnt me.
who is that body? I couldn't even recognize my own limp, cold, lifeless body
at the bottem of the pond
it was fading away
i was leaving....the fear was gone...and the pain was gone

touristas

****this post has nothing to do with that god awful film touristas...i just like the word
Well i gotta get in the right mind frame here.
I read Crank the otha day.
Pretty good. I just didn't like the major theme of a drug having an ultimatly positive effect on Bree. It kinda made me feel weird. I mean, at the beginning, it ruined her life. Something that ruins your life shouldn't be something you become dependent on...
ahh drugs...that touchy subject everyone has thier own opinion on.
well, its mostly two arguments: the people who dont do them and oppose, despise and are disgusted by them. And the people that do them and enjoy the lifestyle that comes with it and feel like everyone else is just jealous.
Well..let me tell all the druggies out there...
im NOT jealous of your lifestyle.
I'm perfectly happy NOT being dependent on a toxin, or a depressant, or a heart racer, or a heart stopper. Look, as much as you don't want to accept it, DRUGS ARE BAD FOR YOU. Get the fuck over it. I dont care how much you want to shoot up after school, stop attempting to defend them. They are horrible. They are digusting. They ruin you and rot your organs.
Oh right! I forgot about that "high" you get from them. It's called your brain not getting oxygen, idiot...its not good...its bad!
Well it's times like these that i like to thank God for my opinion of drugs. When i see a high or drunk chick bawling her eyes out a night after getting stoned and gang banged, i cant help but...uh
not care.
baby, if you didn't want to get knocked up, you SHOULDN'T PUT YOURSELF IN A SITUATION WHERE YOU'LL GET KNOCKED UP!
Ahh...i guess I'm acutally much more proud of myself then i thought.
oh well, druggies, guess i can't change your mind...cuz you prolly lost interest in this post half way down...
good day all

hey everyone

sorry i havent posted in a while...
got a deviant art account *shout with joy* FINALLY
and i've been busy uploading deviations.
I still love ya'll tho. I'll keep posting ^_^
just give me a week or so to get this new account settled.
then you'll get more of me :)
bye-o