him

im a dreamer...
I can sit down and smile, thinking of my future...
with some man, and i can see his gentle smile.
I can smell our house...I can hear our children...I can hear, also, the gentle crash of the waves of the ocean outside our home.

We sit on the porch at night, me and my man, and we stare out. We're happy...I can feel it. He's nameless, he's faceless...but he's there. He keeps telling me, in my dreams, that everything will be okay. That life will be fine for me.
Im so heartbroken. every relationship I've ever had has ended in tragedy that I've been forced to get over...
But he's there. Everytime I shut my eyes. To hold my hands, and chuckle at how I worry. "Dont" He tells me. "You will find me."

I feel so alone. I feel Im standing in the middle of a group of grey people, the only one with color, searching and searching for the only other person outside the grey. The only one who doesn't just glance at me and look away.
Yet he's there. Nameless, faceless, but so close...
I'm young, people tell me, and tell me not to worry.

This I simply cannot do. I've seen the one I shall spend the rest of my life with. and he's held my hand...and I dont even know his name.

It could be anyone. Any man I see. Any gentle smile I recieve. Except, I'll know. Or at least, he told me, that I'll know when it happens.

I can't wait anymore...I want him now.
I wander through my blissful dreams, filled with my future, and come back to my past with a depression.
He sits by me, his head on my shoulder, whispering in my ear, just what I want to hear. But when I turn...no one's there.

I can't help...but wish his presence so badly...