drowning

im diving
ripping off the opressing chains stress has fastened to my sanity
closing my senses to the pain and fear
forgetting my worries and anxieties
setting my body and readying myself for the sting of the cold

a large spike of dark cold shocked my mind and shook me
I'm still now, letting my body freeze in its diving position, my eyes
closed as well as my mind and heart

My soul, however, is wide open. Burning, flaring, raging its
powerful spiritual flame within me
the freedom of the solitude of this place strengths it.
I kick off the bottem, come up and emerge my face, staring
up at the ashen sky with snow falling neatly on my face

The snow kisses me
the cold is excruciatingly painful
I can move, only breathe as I begin to sink, find my legs unmoving
The air is gone and i find that breath is no longer satisfying, but
smothering as i intake gallons of the frozen pond

I reach the bottem, my heart is slowing dowm. My soul is burning
but my body curls up like a dead leaf
I feel a lift, a short drop

I can see myself laying there
the used one
the sad one
the dead one. the girl isnt me.
who is that body? I couldn't even recognize my own limp, cold, lifeless body
at the bottem of the pond
it was fading away
i was leaving....the fear was gone...and the pain was gone