i remain silent

the need's gotten worse lately. Something i can't help. I'm trying to be good. But it's a monster, and im just a woman trying to defeat it. I don't believe i can. My friends tell me its a dream. My parents tell me it's a phase. But when i think about it, i want it more and more.
to taste and touch to feel it and expeirience it first hand. It feels like so much more than a phase to me...maybe that's why no one can help.
I'm a good girl, thats what i keep telling myself, what kind of person would i be if i couldn't wait? Just another girl. Just another slut...
I find there's a lost art in waiting. No one wants to wait because sex is part of life right? Well...hate to disapoint you....
Sex is definitly important. But...the whole action of it isn't like kissing or hugging or making out. And people treat it that way. They treat it like it was no big deal. Just one night rolling under sheets in a naked sweat.
I guess it takes a virgin to understand just how important waiting is.
It shows dicipline. It shows you have patience. It shows that you don't HAVE to give into animal instincts just because they tempt you. Temptation is the one thing no one can resist unless you develop an immunity to it. Like i have. I spent painful years saying no, and now it's just a easy "no thanks, punk. I want to be able to tell my husband i really am all his."
oh well. No one has to agree with me. That's obvious. Because the people that glorify druglords and pimps think sex is just another part of a teenagers like. I look in thier eyes when they speak of stuff like that, and wonder where they went wrong. I remain silent though, as is my nature.
To sit and listen. To observe from afar. To watch the downfall. Why don't I try to help??
I'm scared... Inside my touch exterior, I'm just a little girl that wants someone to protect me. I want a man to love me and to protect me. Is that asking for too much? I sure don't think so....
anyway, im really not depressed today. just wanted to vent a little. thanks for listening :)